A collaborative approach to parenting contrasted with authoritarian methods
Core Idea: "Working-with" parenting involves collaboration and respect for children's perspectives, while "doing-to" parenting relies on control, rewards, and punishments.
Key Elements
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Working-With Approach:
- Collaborative problem-solving
- Invites child participation in decisions
- Respects child's perspective and autonomy
- Encourages development of intrinsic motivation
- Focuses on understanding underlying needs
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Doing-To Approach:
- Authority-based commands
- Parent-imposed solutions
- Relies on rewards and punishments
- Emphasizes compliance and obedience
- Often creates temporary behavioral change without understanding
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Implementation Process:
- Identify problematic situations
- Consider traditional "doing-to" responses you might typically use
- Develop alternative "working-with" strategies
- Involve the child in creating solutions
- Evaluate effectiveness and adjust approach
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Benefits of Working-With Parenting:
- Builds problem-solving skills
- Strengthens parent-child relationship
- Develops child's internal moral compass
- Creates more sustainable behavioral changes
- Respects the child as a full person
Connections
- Related Concepts: Unconditional Parenting (philosophical foundation), Democratic Parenting (similar approach)
- Broader Context: Parenting Philosophies (contrasting approaches to child-rearing)
- Applications: Family Decision Making (practical implementation)
- Components: Perspective Taking in Parenting (crucial skill), Parent-Child Communication (essential tool)
References
- Kohn, A. (2005). Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason.
#parenting #child-development #kohn #collaboration #autonomy
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