Approaches to correction that preserve a child's sense of worth
Core Idea: Strategic limitation of criticism in frequency, scope, and intensity helps maintain a child's sense of unconditional acceptance while still guiding behavior effectively.
Key Elements
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Three-Dimensional Approach:
- Limit Number: Reduce the quantity of criticisms to make each intervention more meaningful
- Limit Scope: Focus on specific actions rather than making global statements about the child
- Limit Intensity: Be gentle while ensuring the message is understood, recognizing parental impact
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Psychological Impact:
- Excessive criticism leads children to stop trying to please
- Global criticism ("you're so mean") damages self-concept more than specific criticism ("that sounded unkind")
- Children magnify the emotional weight of parental criticism due to the power differential
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Reframing Opportunities:
- View problematic behavior as teaching opportunities
- Avoid holding grudges after addressing issues
- Focus on future improvement rather than past mistakes
- Distinguish between natural childhood development and true behavior problems
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Implementation Strategies:
- Choose battles carefully, ignoring minor issues
- Use specific language about actions rather than character
- Maintain a positive emotional tone when possible
- Frame corrections as guidance rather than judgment
- Return to normal interaction quickly after addressing issues
Connections
- Related Concepts: Attributing Best Possible Motives to Children (complementary approach), Unconditional Acceptance in Parenting (foundational principle)
- Broader Context: Positive Discipline Approaches (alternative to punishment-based systems)
- Applications: Effective Feedback Techniques (practical communication methods)
References
- Kohn, A. (2005). Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason
#positivediscipline #parenting #criticism #childdevelopment #communication
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