Working with toddlers to gain willing participation without coercion
Core Idea: Cooperation with toddlers comes through connection and problem-solving together rather than through bribes, threats, or punishment.
Key Elements
Partnership Approach
- Treat the child as a partner rather than someone to control
- Problem-solve together by asking "How can we solve this problem?"
- Include the child in brainstorming solutions, even with pre-verbal toddlers
- Implement solutions together and adjust as needed
Effective Communication Strategies
- Give age-appropriate choices: "Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?"
- Provide information instead of commands: "The orange peel goes in the bin" rather than "Put the orange peel in the bin"
- Use one word when possible: "Shoes" instead of "Please put your shoes on now"
- Get their agreement: "We'll be leaving in five minutes. What would you like to do before we go?"
- Speak with a respectful tone and calm attitude
Positive Language Techniques
- Use positive phrasing: "We walk inside" instead of "No running"
- Say "yes" more often: "Yes, you can go outside after lunch" rather than "No, not now"
- Use humor to lighten tense moments
- Show rather than tell when instructions aren't being followed
Managing Expectations
- Prepare for outings with activities, snacks, and clear expectations
- Allow processing time (count to 10 silently after making a request)
- Maintain a consistent daily rhythm to reduce resistance
- Write notes or use visual cues as reminders of expectations
Additional Connections
- Broader Context: Respectful Parenting approaches emphasize working with rather than doing to children
- Applications: Daily Transitions often require cooperation strategies
- See Also: Following the Child - a foundational Montessori principle that informs cooperation
References
- Davies, S. (2019). The Montessori Toddler: A Parent's Guide to Raising a Curious and Responsible Human Being.
#montessori #parenting #toddler-development #cooperation
Connections:
Sources: